Battling burnout.
“I don't know how long it's going to take or if I'm going to get back to my usual 100%, but I want to at least make a bit of a plan.”
So I realised I was dealing with burnout, took a week off work, had a few frustrated cries and wrote out my feelings. I still feel incredibly tired and I'm really dreading climbing that mountain, and I'm scared because I don't know how long it's going to take or if I'm going to get back to my previous 100%, but I wanted to at least make a bit of a plan.
So I had an appointment with my psychologist, who was wonderful (although is unfortunately quitting her job, so I will have to find a new psych mid-personal-crisis which is nerve-wracking) and also helped me come up with a strategy to battle burnout.
To keep myself accountable (and frankly so I don't forget, because my memory isn’t great), I'm going to list what we came up with together:
When I feel overwhelmed, write out my feelings so I can process them and work out how I'm feeling. I can also use this as a tool to help me when I'm in appointments with my new psychologist or even when I'm just trying to explain my feelings to my partner.
Talk to my supervisor and keep her in the loop as to how I'm doing, so we can adjust my workload accordingly. This shouldn't be as scary as it is, because she's always incredibly kind and happy to help, but I get very caught up in feeling like I'm being a burden in all parts of my life, and that includes work!
Go outside every day to get some sunshine and pat the neighbours' retrievers. I might be a cat person but I still love the enthusiastic reception I always get from dogs, so it's a little thing to look forward to. It also means I'm not in the house 24/7, which has been my normal for months and makes leaving the house for essential things like work or appointments even harder than usual.
Keep playing Dungeons & Dragons with my friends, even when it's tempting to withdraw. It's something I love, and it's hard for me to socialise when I'm so tired even with friends, but I never wish I hadn't played when I do.
Ask my partner for help cleaning up. We usually split the chores, but I've been neglecting mine because I've been too exhausted (plus we don't have a fortnightly cleaner because of COVID-19 so there's more to do than usual), so I just need to let him know when I can't do something.
Go to bed by 10PM each night - even if I can't get to sleep, it'll help fix my sleep pattern. A lot of my old routine has gone to shambles because of COVID-19 including my sleep patterns, and I always operate best when I've had a decent sleep, so I need to start rebuilding that routine.
Set alarms on my phone to remind me to have meals. Also, because of my shenanigans, this is now a two-parter - I also need to actually eat when they go off and not just ignore the alarm.
I don't have to do any or all of these every day (though eating is an exception of course) , but they're some ideas on what I can do when I'm struggling to know where to start (i.e. how to take a step up the mountain). The ultimate overarching advice from my psychologist was 'Be kind to yourself, and try to stay connected and be a part of the world'.
An extra note is usually I see my psychologist monthly, but she thinks it'd be good if I see someone fortnightly while I'm in struggle-town. She's referring me to another psychologist at her clinic who she says is really gentle and has a style she thinks I'll like, so I'm hoping it works out! At the same time the new psychologist doesn't specialise in working with Autistic people and has a long wait-list, so she might not be able to take new clients, and so if she can't see me/I don't like her I'll need to find someone else. My fingers are crossed though!
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